BY OUR REPORTERS
THE Winter Olympics has seen its first world record smashed—but it didn’t happen on the ice.
Frisky athletes have managed to burn through a staggering 10,000 condoms in just THREE DAYS, leaving officials at the Olympic Village empty-handed and gasping for breath.
Despite the freezing temperatures outside, things have clearly reached boiling point in the dorms.
With only 2,800 athletes competing at the Games, the math suggests the stars are putting in more “extra-curricular” effort than a cross-country marathon.
“Go Figure”
An IOC spokesperson confirmed the shortage today, admitting they underestimated the stamina of the world’s fittest physical specimens.
”I think 10,000 have been used,” the spokesperson said. “2,800 athletes… you can go figure, as they say.”
The Italian newspaper La Stampa reported that the supply—intended to last for the duration of the two-week event—was wiped out in a record-breaking 72 hours. It averages out at nearly four condoms per athlete since the opening ceremony.
Olympic Love: A History of Heavy Lifting
While the sheer speed of the “condom-gate” in the current Games has shocked organizers, the Olympics has a long, steamy history of being the world’s most exclusive hook-up spot.
Seoul 1988: The tradition began when 8,500 condoms were distributed to promote safe sex.
Sydney 2000: Organizers had to order an emergency batch of 20,000 after their initial 70,000 supply ran out.
Rio 2016: Remains the “Gold Standard” for bedroom athletics, with a record 450,000 condoms handed out—about 42 per athlete.
Why the Rush?
Experts say it’s the perfect storm: thousands of young, peak-performance individuals at the height of their physical lives, confined to a high-pressure “bubble” with nothing but adrenaline and endorphins.
As one insider put it: “When you’re done with the Slalom, there’s only one way to wind down.”
Organizers are now reportedly scrambling to restock before the closing ceremony, lest the athletes start looking for other ways to keep warm in the snow.
