Go where your desired man would go: If you’re looking for someone active, join a hiking group, a sports league, or a gym. If you want an intellectual, frequent bookstores, lectures, or academic events. If you’re looking for someone philanthropic, volunteer for causes you care about
Emmanuel Thomas l Friday, June 27, 2025
IKEJA, Lagos – It is a common aspiration to find “the one,” a partner who truly aligns with your dreams and desires. While there’s no magic formula, there are certainly actionable steps you can take to increase your chances of attracting and building a meaningful relationship with your desired man.
It starts with a blend of self-awareness, intentional action, and a healthy dose of patience.
1. Know yourself, Know your Desires
Before you can attract your desired man, you need to understand who he is to you. This goes beyond superficial traits.
Define Your Non-Negotiables: What are the absolute must-haves in a partner? (e.g., integrity, kindness, ambition, shared values).
Identify Your Deal-Breakers: What are the things you absolutely cannot tolerate? Knowing these upfront saves you time and heartache.
Understand Your Own Needs: What do you bring to a relationship, and what kind of support, love, and partnership do you genuinely need?
Reflect on past relationships (what worked, what didn’t) and your own emotional landscape.
Envision the Relationship Dynamic: Beyond just the person, what kind of relationship do you envision? Is it adventurous, calm, intellectual, family-focused?
2. Become the Woman You Want to Be
Attracting your desired man often involves being the best version of yourself. Like attracts like.
Invest in Your Passions: Pursue your hobbies, interests, and career goals. A woman who is passionate and fulfilled is inherently attractive.
Prioritize Self-Care: This includes physical health, mental well-being, and emotional balance. When you feel good about yourself, it radiates outwards.
Cultivate Confidence: Confidence isn’t about arrogance; it’s about self-acceptance and a belief in your own worth. Work on any insecurities that might be holding you back.
Develop Your Communication Skills: The ability to express yourself clearly, listen actively, and navigate difficult conversations is crucial in any relationship.
3. Expand Your Horizons and Be Open
Simply wishing won’t make your desired man appear. You need to actively put yourself in situations where you’re likely to encounter individuals who align with your values and interests.
Go where your desired man would go: If you’re looking for someone active, join a hiking group, a sports league, or a gym. If you want an intellectual, frequent bookstores, lectures, or academic events. If you’re looking for someone philanthropic, volunteer for causes you care about.
Embrace online dating with intention: Dating apps can be powerful tools if used strategically. Be clear in your profile about who you are and what you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations.
Say “yes” more often: Accept invitations to social gatherings, even if you’re not sure you’ll know many people. New environments bring new opportunities.
Be approachable: Smile, make eye contact, and be open to conversation. Sometimes, the simplest gestures can lead to unexpected connections.
4. Communicate with Clarity and Authenticity
Once you meet someone, effective communication is paramount.
Be authentic: Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Your desired man will appreciate the real you.
Express your needs and boundaries: As a relationship develops, it’s vital to communicate what you need and what you’re comfortable with. This builds trust and respect.
Listen actively: Pay attention to what he says, both verbally and non-verbally. Show genuine interest in his thoughts and feelings.
Don’t play games: Be straightforward and honest about your intentions. Avoid manipulative tactics.
5. Cultivate Patience and Resilience
Finding your desired man isn’t always a linear path. There will be ups and downs, and it’s essential to maintain a positive outlook.
Don’t rush things: Good relationships take time to build. Allow connections to develop naturally.
Learn from experiences: Not every connection will be “the one,” and that’s okay. See each interaction as a learning opportunity.
Maintain your sense of self: Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of a partner. Your individual happiness and well-being are still paramount.
Believe he’s out there: A positive mindset can significantly impact your journey.
Attracting your desired man is less about chasing and more about becoming. By understanding yourself, investing in your own growth, expanding your social circles, communicating authentically, and exercising patience, you create fertile ground for a meaningful and fulfilling partnership to blossom.
Remember, the right person will appreciate you for who you are, so focus on being the best version of that person.
